The New Barbarians

I considered a quirky indie flick, but it's been a week of nightmares at work, so headed for Bgrade-ness, and one with Fred Williamson in it too- The New Barbarians. An Italian-USA production, guess that makes it a spaghetti-calypse.

2019 the nuclear apocalypse is over. There are dead puppets masquerading as bodies scattered, and a man who looks rather like one of the elves in Lord of the Rings heads up the baddies. There is slowmotion falling out of small stunt cars, sound effects not out of place on a handheld 80s comp game,and people falling over what look like kegs. Random.

It's fair to say, 10 minutes in, this makes MadMax look like Tarkovsky. Which, in many respects, is an incredible achievement. Oh and I don't think Fred's turned up yet, but what's this a green glowing light on a car? could it be? no. It's a Mel Gibson look a like. The dialogue is so stilted, John Holmes would would be looking embarrassed. So all in respects, this movie is delivering on it's promises. Hmmm the Mel Gibson look a like is actually more similar to Anthony Bourdain. 

Most of the movie has been shot in a gravel pit and explores the deep and meaningful issues of human extermination, love, loners - in general, the human condition.The hero loves, he longs for civilisation, and still has a green glowing car. The car gives KITT a run for it's money, the doors fly off and explode under other cars. Well a small explosion anyway, with a disproportionate effect. Ooohhh Bourdain just did a slow-motion run and jump!!! It's all looking very dire for our hero, but wait, whose that with a explosive bow and arrow?

The Templars (baddies) appear to have been kitted out at a BnD/Imperial Stormtrooper store. Which is all a bit confusing, but their long smouldering looks at each other (all guys) avoid dialogue, which is a good thing. Things potter along, with various rescues, emo encounters, a raid on the good guys camp. 

Fred follows his usual method of acting, not to be confused with method acting, and brings a level of campness to every scene. A poignant scene involves the Stormtroopers lining up the good guys against the wall, not only of the human condition, but also critiquing human history. This movie has it all, including a 10yo mechanic who dispenses philosophical advice.

Ohhh superb dialogue 'Scorpion, what are you here for?' 'I am here to kill you.'. In excellent bgrade fashion, one arrow kills 6 people. 

Well that was fun, very bad, and mercifully short.

me x