25 October 2015

Movie: Blood of Dracula's Castle

And we've moved onto the Gorehouse Greats Collection - 12 movies.

First up, Blood of Dracula's Castle. A young couple inherit a castle, we know they're young and hip as he's a photographer and she's a model. Cue lots of music and cavorting with animals at Marineland (USA not Napier). The castle is already inhabited by a butler (John Carradine), Count & Countess Dracula - and babes they've chained up for those peckish times.
This one appears to have been transferred from a very grubby print. Colour is fading in and out, lines over the screen, brilliant !

Long chase scene for no apparent reason has just resolved into view of a cute woman sunbathing in bikini, who has been snatched by the person being chased. This made no sense to me either. Oh hang on, he's drowning her now. In the space of 5 minutes he's knocked off three people and is now eating (raw) one of them. Ahhh he's Johnny, their son.

the young couple have reached the castle and will meet the Count/Countess, however:
They are not available till after sunset. 
(that was, by far, the best line of the movie)
Things get very slow and predictable from here. It drags something chronic for the last 30-40 minutes, which is saying something for an 81min movie.

The initial soundtrack isn't too bad - after that, not much to write home about.


24 October 2015

Movie: The Unholy (1988)

Bgrade horrors continue. This morning it's The Unholy. A priest is seduced and killed (it you like red heads, you'll like this scene), then we move forward 3 years and Fr. Michael is called to save a suicide. He gets thrown out a window. And is unharmed. He is the one.
Fr. Michael goes and investigates, and reopens the church (where priest#1 died). It's going for atmospheric, but comes across as a daytime soap.
Oh we've just found out the nightclub owner is the devil. Bloody nightclubs. Bloody yoof.

Michael won't sleep with the virgin to save her soul. He's such a soultease.
"dear god what will you have me do"

Midget demons!!! they've got fucking midget demons!!!
Papa demon is now feeding Fr. Mike some of his flesh, and burning his eyes out. As you do. There is an awful lot of dry ice, flashback scenes, and, oddly, reference to a dentist. Millie (our simpering virgin) has returned, and is breathlessly screaming and shaking her head while papa demon comes for her white meat. The demon has a very Gene Simmons tongue, and now Fr. Mike - having got a Hulkamaniacs power up (from god) is ripping out the nails that bound him, and laying the smackdown on the papa and midget demonoids. The church is collapsing into a portal to hell, and so the demons are vanquished. Millie rushes to the good fathers aid.

This was truly a trial to sit through. 

19 October 2015

Movies: Class of 1999 & Chopping Mall

The odyssey of Bgrades continues. Yes, I know, if I were more manly I'd have set them up for a marathon, but yknow, life.

Class of 1999
I've seen this, many years ago.
It's MadMax for school kids. In the US. Authorities have decided that due to rising violence in schools, that they will no longer defend schools - rather they're a free fire zone. Y'know, similar to Cardiff on a Fri/Sat night.
Malcolm McDowell and Pam Grier were obviously still in the wilderness. I've now found out this is a sequel to a 1984 flick, and that there's a sequel to this 1999 II. I'm not rushing to find them.
Another plan is hatched, replace the teachers with Terminators/Robots who teach. How can it fail?! Oh yeah, these are repurposed military robots. Maybe that's something of a problem with the plan?

It was. Things go bad. The two rival gangs eventually work together. Life is beautiful.
Fun movie. Worth a watch.
Oh yeah, music is by Michael Hoenig, so there's a slight Tangerine Dream link.

Chopping Mall
Ohhh it even starts off looking like a straight to video! Guy robbing store in a mall, is chased by an armed robot, which appears to have a taser. WTF? there's a bikini clad babes going for a walk through the mall? oh yeah, the 80s. huzzah the 80s.
It's coming clearer, it's produced by Julie Corman (wife of Roger).
Class: to cut between scenes, there is a lightening flash/thunder crash. Everytime.

The mall is about to close, and so the tension builds. All the overly permed kids are planning parties, which are 'bitching'. There is a significant emphasis, by everyone, on pizza. The robots appear to be gaining sentience, it's like a scene from panto "it's behind you", and so dies the first scientist. The kids are blissfully unaware, and are dancing to synth heavy bad beats, and 'necking'. There are a large number of posters from the directors previous flicks (subtle). BErnie and Alison have been set up, they're clicking. I can tell from the music, however they are also partying in the mall. The terminators/robots are unhappy about this - more pizza references!!! As the massacre begins, the surviving kids go to the sports store, which being America, is loaded with guns. Pink (?) lasers compete with shotguns, and no-one appears to hit anything, until they roll a gas canister under a robot. Hmmm it's like George Romero meets Jaws. But with *even worse* acting, except for the robots. The kids have decided crashing the computer will be the solution, at which point they loose another one - and the robots can go up escalators, which is one in the eye for segways.
Eh, it's fun. And doesn't outstay its welcome (76mins).

17 October 2015

Movies: Waxwork

The fourth movie on DVD1, yes, this bundle thing is of that high quality, is Waxwork. Oddly this has a rating of 6.5 on imdb, which is concerning.
"But ma, I need the caffeine now."

Starts off in a rich house, preppy boy, butler, mother who looks like the mother from Brazil. And a *very* 80s sounding soundtrack. Pretty girls come across a waxwork, which has magically appeared - along with David Warner (probably not the cricketer...).
A number of nazi references - even a flag - occur in class. But to emphasise they're at college, we now have a college football scene. Lots of slow motion tackling, along with synth driven music. Brilliant.

The scooby gang are heading to the waxwork museum (y'know, the one that had just popped up - keep up) late at night after drinking clear liquid labelled as beer - I guess that's more evidence of it being american...
College boy has been sucked into another dimension, after following his lighter. Look, I guess it's a plot point, and so far, it's been one of the stronger ones.
WOOHOO It's got John Rhys-Davies !!!

We now have a discussion on steak tartar, and sauce. Painful. Really painful. but she did make the vampire explode, while chopping off someone else's leg. swings and roundabouts. Another vampire is now gushing either water or milk, it's hard to tell. I'm not sure I want to find out. I've lost track, but there's now a shadowy cabal involved, and 18 items between 3 people (ie 666) and now a mass fight scene, including an armoured wheel chair.


15 October 2015

Whisky : Edradour and a SMWS

I was up in the Highlands the other week, and it seemed sensible to drop into Blair Atholl and Edradour while in Pitlochry. Speaking of Pitlochry, we usually stay at the Moulin Hotel, which has the added benefit of a pub + food, and an attached brewery, but for various reasons we stayed at the Ellangowan Guest House.  We'd definitely recommend both of these places. The pub/brewery is all win, drink til late, stagger upstairs. But the EGH was lovely and quiet.

Anyhoo, the whisky. Blair Atholl didn't have any of their distillers edition, which having tried at Neil's I was keen to grab a bottle (and he to replenish supplies). Sadly they had none left. Their only single malt is nice enough - I'd add it to the Pub Whisky List - but nothing great. However, it is a lovely distillery and well worth a visit - 10 min walk from the Pitlochry train station.
They are one of the main distillers for Bell's, but the tour guide was very dismissive of that :) Afore ye go

And so to Edradour. They've become far less quirky, and far more tourist trap twee, which I think I remarked on last time I was up there (with Rich, Neil and Michelle).
But since it was a quiet time they were happy for me to just potter off to the tasting room.

10 year old Ballechin 
Nose: smoke, peat, honey, warming
Palate: warm, manuka honey, pepper, smoke
Finish: med-long
6.5/10 an interesting and moderately complex smokey whisky. I'd definitely drink it again.
Their website doesn't have a picture of this.

2003 Port Finish 
Nose: wine, alcohol, not very interesting
Palate: smooth and drinkable, not very complex, too young? quite zingy in the mouth
Finish: long and spikey
I think I'd avoid this, it seemed too young and lacked anything interesting happening.

2006 Super Tuscan 
Nose: warm rubber
Palate: warm smooth, taste of honey, spiky
Finish: medium hot
I liked this, again, spiky, but interesting.

13 year old Barolo 
Nose: sherry, warming, spiky
Palate: warming, sherried, manuka honey, complex
Finish: long
Being unimpressed with the three I'd tried, I randomly bought this one - it's good. Not as good as their 14yo sherry (the one in teh decanter), but good. Pleased I've got it.

SMWS 9.102 Gun cabinets and flying saucers (Glen Grant)
Nose: sweet, manuka honey, papaya
Palate: honey, warming, melons
Finish: long and warm
I liked this. Not a huge surprise given my love for GG :)

moi x

10 October 2015

Movies: Chud II : Bud the Chud (1989)

Chud II : Bud the Chud (1989)
I haven't seen Chud I, but suspect I won't lose much there. The Chud research project is being terminated, thankfully there is extensive exposition. It was an enzyme creating zombies - of course. I should've known. But one has escaped. Chud on the loose. Chud be gone.
We've cut to a science class, with a class prankster, which by a bizarre and largely unexplainable series of events, has caused a cadaver to run away on a gurney down the street. To solve this the lads are going to find a replacement. Confused?
Chud the Bud goes for a wander around town, converting people to his way of life. Rich Hall (of QI, Whose Line is it Anyway, various BBC comedies/tourism things) makes a brief appearance as a barbers client.  While the army continues to look for the Chuds, the Chuds continue to look for beef. There are flame throwers, explosives, lots of wins! Bud also falls for the hero's girlfriend.

Movie review: Ghoulies III

I recently spent £8 on 32 movies. This seemed excellent value for money, I'm now finding out if it was...

Ghoulies III (Ghoulies go to college)
A straight to video release, it begins with a flashback to 21 years ago describing how the ghoulies came about. In a win, there's a hints of Bach's toccata and fugue (yeah that one), which is broken up with twinkly synth tunes. After our flashback we end up on a college campus, with attractive, excessively hairy (can one use hirsute for ladies?) young ladies running - through water fountains - while the nerds throw things. Much slapstick ensues. This movie is setting its credentials out early.
The Ghoulies arrive thanks to an English professor, obviously. There's a weird collection of art the directors think would be in a fratboy area: magritte, lechinstein, man ray - odd. Various fratboy pranks (it's 'prank week') ensue with the ghoulies taking the lead. Puerile and entertaining. 

9 October 2015

Movie Reviews: Savage Island & 976-Evil II

Savage Island (1985)
Um, where to start, plot I guess. Woman slave gang mining gems, sends in plant to break out the prisoners, leader then goes after the big boss. Lots of flashbacks and voiceovers.
Lots of boobs. Not much else. Oh hang on, lots of appalling over dubs. Acting, well the trees and general scenery win that. Worth watching ? well no, not really. worth having on in the background while pottering around? hell yes.  It also has Linda Blair, in one of her less famous roles.

976-Evil II (1991)
Starts well: cute babe swimming, phone rings, she ends up in with a stalactite through her. Non sequiturs abound.  Cue credits. A killer is on the loose, it maybe linked to the possessed phone. This is made clear (?) at a strip club, where our hero is looking confused, moody, leathery and responds brilliantly to the threatening phonecall with 'go fuck yourself'. Genius. There is a lot of hair, and glasses being whipped off while making serious points - CSI Miami would be proud.
"you sure as hell need a miracle, and i don't think god owes you anything."
After that, things get a bit confusing, but our hero pops up occasionally and does sleuthing, his name, we learn, is Spike. The evil teacher is now flogging stuff on TV., which leads to a zombie version of this wonderful life - that was quite inspired actually. Then some more odd scenes, inclduing truck/motorbike chases with continuity issues. the special effects make highlander look cutting edge...