11 December 2016

Movies : Scorpion [1986]

Scorpion opens in a mexican/spanish? village. With a ferrari. We move into a bar, there's a lot of hairy angry looking men. They exchange meaningful glances, a fight breaks out. More tragically a beer is spilled, and they switch the jukebox off.
The credits are rolling with suitably epic synth led music, also we're in Spain. For some reason we're now in Amsterdam. We learn the president has allowed pre-emptive strikes. OMFG, coincidence or what, but there's been a sky-jacking! Our top man, Scorpion, is going on the plane (it's on the ground), the hijacker has the worlds worst German accent. Which isn't nearly as offensive as Scorpion's very short shorts.
Oh he won. He beat all the terrorists. Amazing.

Now he's on the hunt for the big bad terrorist. People keep getting shot, synthtastic.
Hospital scene had the classic soundtrack "Dr. Blair, Dr. Blair, Dr. J. Hamilton, Dr. J. Hamilton" - sadly the guitars didn't kick in. Our hero is sad now, his friend is dead. He's now passing through the stages, is on anger. But the bad guys are in the hospital now, our hero has sprung into action. As has a slowly pulsing bass synth.
This movie is not rocking along. Our German is trying to escape, slowly. More people are dead, and yet the plot hasn't moved. I know i'm expecting too much. But really, moody shots of a grumpy hero are wearing a little thin now.
Oh bollocks, I'm only an hour in, there's another 38mins !
I think we've reached the penultimate fight scene, it's dire.
For some reason we're on a boat now. Chasing someone. For some reason. Everything is moving so slowly, the editor needs a serious talking to. But anyway, we get more synth heavy tunes, so it's not all bad.
A solid 2/10.
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