21 January 2017

Movies: The Vampire Lovers (1970)

I'm feeling crap, so crap movies will help, right? Next up on the 4 movies, 1 disc, for less than a fiver, quality entertainment is The Vampire Lovers. One of the Hammer collab movies.
We open with a voiceover describing the Karstein family. We even get uncalled for emphasis on the word 'thrust', oohhh i'm coming over all queer just thinking about it.
Lots of Ludwig type castles, dry ice, busty maidens, and now a dead chap staggers into the pub. Those Karsteins are at it again!!
And now, Ingrid Pitt. There's a win right there. Peter Cushing appears at least twice the age of everyone else in the movie.
There is an awful lot of exposition in this movie, oh well. Our simpering heroine is corrupted by the bad lady vampire, she keeps having nightmares and is becoming so very pale. Oh noes! could it be !? quick, cut to kissing and heaving bosums, ahhh that'll help. It's fair to say fuck all is happening, I guess they hope there's a storyline, but largely its occasional exposition interrupted by lesbian vamp action. Or at least strongly hinted at lesbian action kissing and boobs, followed by slow fades. Our vamp is now corrupting the mother. booyar.
The serious old white men have decided there are vampires, and now they're off to kill them. Cue dry ice, they're off to the castle !
Overall, predictable, slow, but not too painful.

Post a Comment