The British Service Industry

This has been coming for some time. I need to rant. I need to rant about the British service industry. Or rather, I need to rant about how the British need a service industry.

I can't say I didn't expect problems, I'd been warned, and over the years I've experienced it. But, the problems keep coming and coming and coming…

Before the problems, there have been some highlights. Curry's delivered the washing machine the next day - and that was a bank holiday. Go them. I've been back and bought other things from them, and am likely to again based on that. HMV and Amazon have always been good, but then in many ways, they are significantly different being international and dependent (largely) on internet based business.

RicherSounds, wehre I got the TV and stereo were also great. Nice service, good equipment, and quick delivery. Result.

Banks: HSBC are cocks. Continually changing the position of the goal posts, we need this, we need that - I provide them, they want more. The concept of a postal address differing from the home address appears an anathema to them. So in the end I said I'd take my salary, told them what it was, and find somewhere that did want it.

Opened to Abbey with 'I'm very pissed off at the moment, having been given the run around at HSBC, are you going to do the same?'. Took 10 minutes to sort out an account.

Phone and Internet. Now this is where the anger is likely to explode. I ring Virgin and say I want cable as their website had spat the dummy at the credit history check. So we go through all of the steps over the phone, eventually finding that this place is too new. That warrants repeating, too new. Apparently Virgin cabled before this place was converted, and Virgin no-longer do cabling.

Now that I could almost accept. So I said fine, hook me up with a phone line (which I didn't want) and internet. So we go through the same stuff. Eventually they decide my credit rating is poor so they can't do it.

End of story.

I questioned this, pointing out quite reasonably that having not being in the country I couldn't really have a credit history, and surely if the bank and a tenancy agency (more about them later), were ok, surely a cheap internet company could cope too. No, there was no way they could do anything at all.

Fine. Next up was Sky. Went through the website, also crashed at the credit check, so I rang them (twice) and ended up with the same result (twice). Sorry can't do anything, at all, as you don't have a credit history.

Now, for those of you playing at home it's worth pointing out that there are only three companies here who can set up the phone (afaik), BT, Sky and Virgin. Although there are innumerable internet providers.

So although I didn't want to deal with BT, I didn't have a lot of options - so went through the internet options, and voila, failed that too. So rang them, got cut off. Rang back, went through questions, no I really don't want your TV package - well it doesn't show rugby, yes I know it shows classic rugby, but I really don't want that - credit check - failed. Sorry.

Oh for fucks sake.

Ring back the next day, get a different guy who, before we get to the credit check section, wants me to be ringing from the flat so they can tell what the phone number is. I point out that the reason I'm ringing is to get a phone line. The irony escapes him.

In an effort to be helpful (bear in mind, this is me - helpful is not an adjective I like), I wander down to our phone people at work, explain my problem - to much hilarity (as I also received in my office), but grabbed a phone from them. So I tried to ring BT, I could dial 8 of the 10 numbers (0800 800 150), but after the '1' it would cut to some annoying bitch saying 'i'm sorry this call cannot be connected, please check your number'. You're sorry? How the fuck do you think I feel !

So I ring them back today, I warned my officemates I'd be ringing BT and if I started going postal, to leave quickly. Bravely they hung around, I'd like to think it was for support, but suspect it was more for amusement.

I got someone else (ahhh call centres), who pushed through the credit check, said, nah seems ok, and set stuff up. Said he could trace the number and see the line was active, so that was ok - and that I should have a phone line by the 17th, and internet by the 22nd. I'm doubtful of both, but hope springs eternal.

The Lesson? Well apparently BT need to be convinced that you really want a phone line, that they aren't providing a service, rather they have something you need, and therefore you should be pathetically grateful if they deign to give it to you. I have no idea how the other companies survive.

Beds: I've already mentioned that one - two feckin' weeks to deliver a mattress? Figure they have a huge supply over easter, forgetting everyone who is anyone, sleeps on hay …

However it was delivered this morning, and it feels nice. Very nice. Certainly a huge improvement over the aired (or optimistically titled futon for grandiose designs, if blatant lies).

At least the bed base people said it would take six weeks, cos they are making it from scratch.

What else? Oh yeah tenancy, the letting agents were nice and friendly, although hardly efficient. Just received the inventory today or fittings and noted damage to the flat, two weeks after moving in. Must check that tomorrow night. They subcontract out their credit check. I filled in the app and specifically noted in the section titled 'special notes', please bear in mind the time difference if you are ringing NZ. They didn't. I've put a complaint in about that, but doubt I'll hear anything back.

Power: letting agents did ring through the initial readings, which I've just found out from the inventory they've finally sent. Had a good chat to a guy over doing readings for someone else - he was swearing about his companies inability to get things done. Funny times.

Having said that, it was reasonably easy to set up over the phone and internet, so we'll see how that goes. It's bound to end badly…

Water: I posted something off to them last week, haven't heard back. Don't care much. Got too many other idiots to deal with.

I did have a lovely dinner (spinach, feta, olive pies) washed down by some Old Speckled Hen, and listening to Queen doing blues, while lying on a nice new mattress.

More later me thinks...

Returning some days later. The phone wasn't connected, although I'd presumed it was, and the internet therefore is not well. Daily phone calls have occurred which have meant I have identified the main phone plug in the house (weirdly in the spare bedroom), and undone the face plate to try the test socket. Still nothing. I appear to have reached resigned, and given up hope that phone or internet will ever reach here. Tomorrow mornings phone call will update BT on my continuing 'fault', and I think I'll try to contact their Service Manager. That could be funny. As I'm well aware I can parrot the same lines he will, and therefore should be able to cut him off in mid-flow. That's likely to cheer me up.

In the end I couldn’t get thru to their SM, I suspect they don’t have one. I got a technician out, who arrived a day early said it was fixed and closed the call. So I went home all excited to find no internet and no phone. Rang back, tech came out again, same result.

Rang BT again and said I want the tech to ring my door bell so I can show him how he hasn’t fixed the problem. He came out said oh it’s a ghost line (which ironically I’d mentioned in my earlier conversations with their answer desk), and fixed it within 20 mins.

So now I have internet. And a phone.

Orange: we seem to have sorted out our respective differences involving internet settings and charging based on free sites. Their network settings on the website are wrong – which they admitted – and I’ve had a refund.

I suspect the next blog will be shorter, and hopefully more positive.