Ready? Righto, we open at what appears to be a dark mass, where an attractive nude blonde is on an alter, and things don't look good from the devil/goat masked gentleman who keeps throwing devil horns with his hands.
We cut to the inside of an English country house. Which seems very similar to the last movie, oh well. Things don't end well for her.
Soundtrack is very avante garde, liking it.
Everyone has RP, which is all quite disconcerting.
A family heads out to the country to see a relative, weird things happen and they crash the car. This also ends very badly. Actually, this movie is also hanging together better than expected. Kathryn, our heroine, gets a lot of flashbacks and appears quite nuts. And she's lost in a what the English term 'a forest', there's even a couple of trees in it. Things potter along quite well, and now there's body painting and erotic stimulation using a sword. The Satanists have *all* the fun.
If I'm following the relationships, we now have incest. I'm not entirely sure I am following it, but still ...
Ahhh clearer now after some exposition, and a lot more boobies, and yes it's still hanging together nicely. Kathryn is now 20, the same age as the wife who was killed. Kathryn is looking to follow this lead in an attempt to bring the wife back to life. It's like Morse...Oh her father is back (he who died in the car crash), this is confusing for all of us.
Great start to the movie - mob carrying flaming torches, and dodgy character setting a bear trap, while a young woman (with clothes still technically on) evades the torches - oh noes!!! she's found the bear trap.
Inside of a mansion now, and some glasses are rattling, ominously. My god the cuts are already confusing, our bear trapped woman is apparently a witch and is being burnt on the stake while she calls on satan to help her. Things go poorly for the townspeople. Sadly she's still got clothes on. Her screams do not match up with her mouth being open, I guess she's some form of ventriloquist witch. But we've got a death now! Lord of the mansion is no more, and witchy babe is laying vengence down.
Followed by 'The End', apparently this was all a movie screening. Goddamn I was really getting into it. Bunch of 70s people not wanting to re-enact events from 300 years ago. No really, I've got no idea where this is heading...
First up we have hypnotism. Anne appears to be possessed and she's found a sword!!! Apparently all members of this family die in horrible ways....
Actually, this is developing into a nice low budget horror movie. Atmosphere is well done, and there's a strong undercurrent of tension. Most of the deaths are quite gruesome, and so far, very little redemption. Nice find this one.
Continuing our odyssey into the lesser travelled byways of the movie business...
Stanley opens with shots of resting alligators and a strange man wandering around (he's wearing a bizarre top), he stops, cuts his leg and tries to get something out of it. Unsuccessfully. The credits roll with a very 70's singer/song writer track. I guess we're supposed to think this chap is at one with nature. I'm getting a bit bored of the shots of american wildlife bouncing through glades/forests/rivers. The man talks to his snake. This is not a euphemism. We learn he's a native american and therefore *at one with nature*. The director cannot stress this enough. Right on.
There are a lot of snakes. Indy wouldn't be happy. Finally some conversation, and guess what, it's exposition - the white man has wronged him. He doesn't want to rejoin his tribe, and now there are white men coming to bother him, we've also learnt his name is Tim. Woohoo more exposition and racist background. I'm sure the writer & director felt it was very 'aware'.
Ahhh he collects snakes so the venom can be used for treatment. And now he wants to avenge his fathers murder. With snakes. It's fair to say this movie is not rocking along. I'd make a pun about slithering along, but snakes do move very quickly...
This movie clocks in around 1h45min. It feels like 3-4 hours.
Yes. This is a classic. Ticks so many boxes, and pleased to have the chance to see it again.
I knew this one as 'They Stole Hitler's Brain', but apparently it's also known as Madmen of Mandoras.
The movie starts off with something similar to a public science info movie about nerve gas. Brilliant. All male scientists, of course, with broad and significant chins. But huzzah, they've found an antidote to the nerve gas, it's known as PAM.
There's an abduction of a professor, murder, confusion. Damn you Mandoras! And now some flashbacks to Nazi Germany, along with a story about how a lab tech was there during the final days. Adolf, or Mr H, as he's known as, has a very large nose, which I find amusing for all the wrong reasons.
Ohhh some nice jazz now. Things potter along, with more kidnappings. Mr H seems very peripheral. Our man in Mandoras / Cpt. Renault, and now more exposition by the Excellency. Still very limited Hitlering.
Some aural torture of the Professor, thankfully he's still alright. He assures us of this.
Mr H is here!!! he's floating in liquid, and blinking! Gasps abound from our captives. The Excellency is also a prisoner (I hope you're following this, there will be a test). Hitler's box comes with a carry handle, those clever Nazi's. After some planes, cars, and grenades, Mr H appears to be melting.
Another B&W, this opens with some lovely rockabilly, and then some serious exposition. He isn't sleeping and has handed in his notice at work. She wasn't told this. We're all shocked. Cut to him dreaming of blonde dancing. Oh yeah, a soliloquy !! Apparently he'd never met this blonde he's dreaming of. There is an unknown force. There's a doll made up of the blonde, and his partner. Everyone is confused. No-one brought in any photo's. He's found her! Her name is Bianca (I knew a Bianca once, she wasn't blonde). The movie does have some style, he's very Don Draper / Bogart. And now she's transparent.
the god they are praying to, the great devil god, appears to be called gambon :D There's dissent in the ranks, someone is trying to get out of the dark whatever it is. Oh hang on, it was a test. I barely survived that, too stressful. We're back in the temple, apparently the great Gamba (sadly not Gambon) is displeased, there's a traitor in the midst !! Additionally, their bongo player is possibly the most boring bongo player ever. Oh the (original) girlfriend is going to be sacrificed. There's tension, drama, and more double-crossing. I don't like his striped tie, although the suit is well cut.
It ends weakly. Much as it began.
Terrified kicks off with someone getting buried in cement, and someone else laughing (I hardly need add manically), with oddly human versions of howling wolves.
We switch to an elderly couple driving, who swerve to avoid a head-on crash. This has some of the worst acting I've seen, the woman made Orlando Bloom look good.
They reach a diner, and we have a lot of exposition, and introduce the concept of Crazy Bill. There is a lot of mention of Crazy Bill, and soon those krazy kids go out to 'Ghost Town' to meet him.
Still looking for Crazy Bill, the KK's have moved from a house of rotten floorboards, to a cemetery.
Bill has met an unfortunate, spiky, end. The other KK turns up (Ken) and decided to stay and look around for the murderer.
We view the murderer, he's wearing a balaclava. They fight, badly. I'm yet to be terrified. Although Ken is now hearing voices. I'm your oldest friend, terror.
This didn't work as intended - we laughed.
It's still going. Tedious! I'm also confused. And still no-one appears terrified.
And we've moved onto the Gorehouse Greats Collection - 12 movies.
First up, Blood of Dracula's Castle. A young couple inherit a castle, we know they're young and hip as he's a photographer and she's a model. Cue lots of music and cavorting with animals at Marineland (USA not Napier). The castle is already inhabited by a butler (John Carradine), Count & Countess Dracula - and babes they've chained up for those peckish times.
This one appears to have been transferred from a very grubby print. Colour is fading in and out, lines over the screen, brilliant !
Long chase scene for no apparent reason has just resolved into view of a cute woman sunbathing in bikini, who has been snatched by the person being chased. This made no sense to me either. Oh hang on, he's drowning her now. In the space of 5 minutes he's knocked off three people and is now eating (raw) one of them. Ahhh he's Johnny, their son.
the young couple have reached the castle and will meet the Count/Countess, however: They are not available till after sunset.
(that was, by far, the best line of the movie)
Things get very slow and predictable from here. It drags something chronic for the last 30-40 minutes, which is saying something for an 81min movie.
The initial soundtrack isn't too bad - after that, not much to write home about.
Bgrade horrors continue. This morning it's The Unholy. A priest is seduced and killed (it you like red heads, you'll like this scene), then we move forward 3 years and Fr. Michael is called to save a suicide. He gets thrown out a window. And is unharmed. He is the one.
Fr. Michael goes and investigates, and reopens the church (where priest#1 died). It's going for atmospheric, but comes across as a daytime soap.
Oh we've just found out the nightclub owner is the devil. Bloody nightclubs. Bloody yoof.
Michael won't sleep with the virgin to save her soul. He's such a soultease.
Papa demon is now feeding Fr. Mike some of his flesh, and burning his eyes out. As you do. There is an awful lot of dry ice, flashback scenes, and, oddly, reference to a dentist. Millie (our simpering virgin) has returned, and is breathlessly screaming and shaking her head while papa demon comes for her white meat. The demon has a very Gene Simmons tongue, and now Fr. Mike - having got a Hulkamaniacs power up (from god) is ripping out the nails that bound him, and laying the smackdown on the papa and midget demonoids. The church is collapsing into a portal to hell, and so the demons are vanquished. Millie rushes to the good fathers aid.
The odyssey of Bgrades continues. Yes, I know, if I were more manly I'd have set them up for a marathon, but yknow, life.
Class of 1999
I've seen this, many years ago.
It's MadMax for school kids. In the US. Authorities have decided that due to rising violence in schools, that they will no longer defend schools - rather they're a free fire zone. Y'know, similar to Cardiff on a Fri/Sat night.
Malcolm McDowell and Pam Grier were obviously still in the wilderness. I've now found out this is a sequel to a 1984 flick, and that there's a sequel to this 1999 II. I'm not rushing to find them.
Another plan is hatched, replace the teachers with Terminators/Robots who teach. How can it fail?! Oh yeah, these are repurposed military robots. Maybe that's something of a problem with the plan?
It was. Things go bad. The two rival gangs eventually work together. Life is beautiful.
Fun movie. Worth a watch.
Oh yeah, music is by Michael Hoenig, so there's a slight Tangerine Dream link.
Chopping Mall
Ohhh it even starts off looking like a straight to video! Guy robbing store in a mall, is chased by an armed robot, which appears to have a taser. WTF? there's a bikini clad babes going for a walk through the mall? oh yeah, the 80s. huzzah the 80s.
It's coming clearer, it's produced by Julie Corman (wife of Roger). Class: to cut between scenes, there is a lightening flash/thunder crash. Everytime.
The mall is about to close, and so the tension builds. All the overly permed kids are planning parties, which are 'bitching'. There is a significant emphasis, by everyone, on pizza. The robots appear to be gaining sentience, it's like a scene from panto "it's behind you", and so dies the first scientist. The kids are blissfully unaware, and are dancing to synth heavy bad beats, and 'necking'. There are a large number of posters from the directors previous flicks (subtle). BErnie and Alison have been set up, they're clicking. I can tell from the music, however they are also partying in the mall. The terminators/robots are unhappy about this - more pizza references!!! As the massacre begins, the surviving kids go to the sports store, which being America, is loaded with guns. Pink (?) lasers compete with shotguns, and no-one appears to hit anything, until they roll a gas canister under a robot. Hmmm it's like George Romero meets Jaws. But with *even worse* acting, except for the robots. The kids have decided crashing the computer will be the solution, at which point they loose another one - and the robots can go up escalators, which is one in the eye for segways.
Eh, it's fun. And doesn't outstay its welcome (76mins).
The fourth movie on DVD1, yes, this bundle thing is of that high quality, is Waxwork. Oddly this has a rating of 6.5 on imdb, which is concerning. "But ma, I need the caffeine now."
Starts off in a rich house, preppy boy, butler, mother who looks like the mother from Brazil. And a *very* 80s sounding soundtrack. Pretty girls come across a waxwork, which has magically appeared - along with David Warner (probably not the cricketer...).
A number of nazi references - even a flag - occur in class. But to emphasise they're at college, we now have a college football scene. Lots of slow motion tackling, along with synth driven music. Brilliant.
The scooby gang are heading to the waxwork museum (y'know, the one that had just popped up - keep up) late at night after drinking clear liquid labelled as beer - I guess that's more evidence of it being american...
College boy has been sucked into another dimension, after following his lighter. Look, I guess it's a plot point, and so far, it's been one of the stronger ones.
WOOHOO It's got John Rhys-Davies !!!
We now have a discussion on steak tartar, and sauce. Painful. Really painful. but she did make the vampire explode, while chopping off someone else's leg. swings and roundabouts. Another vampire is now gushing either water or milk, it's hard to tell. I'm not sure I want to find out. I've lost track, but there's now a shadowy cabal involved, and 18 items between 3 people (ie 666) and now a mass fight scene, including an armoured wheel chair.
