I'm not OK. This is not a cry for help. I think I need to emphasise that given where I think this blog is going. I'm sick of my research. And not only because it took 9 months to get feedback. I am prepared to name and shame, but I struggle to see the point. I was asked, post submission, to finish some research, I did that. I sent it to the person asked to help me with the section in question. That I did 2.5 to 3 weeks ago. I emphasised how pressed I was with time. Make any difference? Fuck no.
And that, as I see it, is it. I've had enough. If I don't get feedback by Thurs/Fri I will be quitting. I have written my resignation letter, if one can call it that given it's effectively volunteer work.
I realise many of you will trot out the usual cliches of 'but you're so close', 'but frances would want you to finish', 'but it seems a waste of X many years'. Yes, I've heard them. And as much as I respect your opinion, I don't care. I've been listening to them for sometime. And all it's achieved, as far as I can tell, is to make me more stressed, grumpy, and directionless. This time I think I need to take charge. I've been thinking of this for some time, what affects it has had on me, how I see my life going, and what I want to achieve.
Basically I'm struggling to see a career in science. I'd love one, sure. But I don't see it happening, I'm pissy, grumpy and largely disillusioned. I love teaching, in fact I had an ex-student come up to me last week who I'd said on his essay go see the student support services, as he couldn't write a sentence. He did, he went to a writing course, and is now getting A's in his essays. It was quite moving, suggesting I am good at what I do. My course evaluations would support that.
But there is little work in my field, and I want to leave the country.
In addition I've had couple of job offers in IT which interest me. I have turned down one of them and am waiting for the other to be offered publicly. They both pay well and are basically rewriting doco, and managing web content - both of which I find interesting. And it will travel.
Rather than leaving this as a look at me, i'm so fucking emo type post. I've thought about this and have come to these conclusions:
* I need to exercise more, I've been walking in and home again, but that's not enough. Need to swim every other day, or at least a bike ride, which reminds me I need to get some lights
* I am going to give the person charged with commenting on my writing til Thurs/Fri before I submit my resignation
* I have some training lined up for my tech doco writing
* Aiming to discuss potential work/training with three highly placed IT managers I know
Bruce.